I decided on this topic, because I just stopped talking an anti-depressants that I had been taking for 8 months for Generalized Anxiety disorder. Praise Jesus! I know that it is only through him and by him that I have been able to overcome the anxiety and I must daily surrender myself to Him, saying "I need you every moment!"
Well....hears my story! Last year in Septmember, I had gone to eat at Cici's with Matt and some friends. While there I started to get a migraine (migraines are normal for me) and then that migraine lead to a panic attack, which at the time I did not know was a panic attack. I felt that my heart was pounding, I was shaking uncontrollably, and I felt as though I was having a hard time breathing. I made Matt rush me to the emergency room and there the doctor ran some test that showed everything was fine! The doctors gave me a pain relief shot and we were on our way home, not really sure what happened. These attacks continued to happen about once a week, then went to twice a week, and continued to get more often. I decided I better check with my primary care doctor. The doctor assumed it was generalized anxiety disorder, but wanted to ran some test to be sure it was nothing else. So my battle with anxiety started.... And thats exactly what it was, a daily battle against the devil who was feeding my mind with lies that I started to believe. I lived in fear of everything. I had irrational thoughts. It changed who I was. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't do my job. I cried. I feared being alone. I was afraid that this would be permanent. There was always medicine I could take, but I refused to take medicine. "I did not want to be that person who was dependent on medicine." My anxiety controlled me. At this point, in December, I decided I better see a counselor. I started visiting with a counselor at our church once a month. Things were a little better, but I was not back to my normal self. After getting advice from several others who struggled with anxiety as well, I decided I better take medicine to help me get my feet back under me. At the end of February, I started an antidepressant called Pristiq and it got me back to Landra!
This was all during our first year of marriage, we were definitely being tested! And I would say Matt passed. Through the anxiety, Matt was sooo patience! He could never really understand me or what was going on (I didn't even know), but he was soo comforting and so supportive. The biggest thing of all is that Matt showed me more of God's unconditional love by the way he loved me during this time!
I am now on the outside of the storm and praising Jesus! When I looked back over the last year, I don't really understand why or the purpose, but I do know that God always does things for my good and his glory. Ps. 84:11 "...no good thing does he withhold from those who walk with integrity." Now, I control the anxiety, it DOES NOT control me.
